For reasons I won’t go into I have been reflecting on life recently, more accurately what makes a good, fulfilled life. When each of us gets to the pearly gates (or whatever you believe happens once we are gone) will we feel that we did everything we wanted to, lived to the fullest without regret?
How this relates to dating, I believe, is that no one wants to meet someone with gaps to fill. We are all guilty, at some point in our lives, of waiting for someone to come and fill a void, whether that be a short term fling that heals a wound or a relationship that seems to fill a hole in us as a person (not that kind of hole you dirty buggers!)
However what I have learnt over the last year, although I may not have realised I was leaning it at the time, is that there is nothing more attractive than someone who doesn’t need someone in their life. A relationship should be like a condiment rather that a part of the meal as it were.
When you think about it a boyfriend/girlfriend should never fulfill anything within you as a person. They should enhance your life but not be part of the building blocks that create it. A significant other is not a constant or a guarantee in your life. Aside from relationships breaking down or infidelity etc what should happen if that person simply ceased to be anymore? That kind of loss is felt more deeply than anyone can imagine by someone without a life of their own, the void that person filled is once again empty.
Having broken up with my ex in Dec 2011 and having remained single since this is the longest I have ever been on my own. Having spent so long in relationships I never afforded myself time to take stock. Now I am almost 28 and having been single for a while (minus a couple of dalliances) I feel perhaps it is time, now I have learnt this valuable lesson, to have a stock check.
So what will make me happier and more fulfilled?
Work - I spend 1/3 of my day working and whilst I don’t 100% love my job it’s not a terrible place to be. If I had my time again I would study equestrian science and work with horses, as it is I have had the opportunity over the years to work with a few ass’s.
However recently people have hinted that I might have some talent when it comes to nail art, make up and face painting and what’s more I love sprucing people up, it makes me happy to see someone go “wow” after I do their makeup or hair.
Whilst I am not advocating irresponsibility in terms of quitting a perfectly good job to become one of many nail technicians in Essex its something to pursue even if just on a part time basis in order to save some extra cash, if it turned into a business and I turned my back on office work forever then great, I can’t say I would be sorry about that at all! But at least for now I would be doing something I enjoy even if it is just part time.
Speaking of cash that brings me to the next stop on my wishlist. To own my own property. Owning a property these days seems to be the luxury of those in a couple, and not even all couples can afford it. However should I take on some part time ventures this may become more attainable. I would also relish the security of always having a place that is “mine” even if in the future I were part of a couple.
Spending time with family and friends – this is where I really let myself down. I am a crap friend and granddaughter and this is something which is a constant source of guilt to me. After a long day I want nothing more than to switch off my phone and not speak to anyone, anti-social aren’t I? But it is to my own detriment as aside from Dick and Dom not many other of my close friends live nearby, and those that do are at different stage in life with babies and husbands. I should make considerably more effort with my nearest and dearest because I do love them, they all bring something wonderful to my life and they should be cherished, not slotted in like some kind of disorganized dishwasher.
Travel – Now ignoring the obvious money doesn’t grow on trees statement that I am sure is passing my mother’s lips as she reads this, house buying aside, there are a few places I would love to see in the next few years and I fully intend to see them. If it takes me a few years extra to buy a place so be it, life is for living after all. I’m not very well travelled and have never traveled on my own, yes it is scary but it’s something that has to be done I feel.
Interests: I have a confession, the “other interests” section of my CV is a complete lie, not a little lie, a big fat juicy lie. I do not swim or horse ride regularly anymore, I am an avid reader (of cosmo) I do not take an interest in current affairs and am no more learning French than I am learning to tap dance on the moon.
However the realization (when working out that 1/3 of my day is spend working, 1/3 is supposed to be spent sleeping) that I have 8 hours of free time a day, taking into account my commute, lunch hour and time in the evening, shocked me. I have things that I would like to do in my spare time, a couple of sports I have an interest in but don’t have the confidence to sign up for.
Perhaps this is the problem with all of the above, I lack the confidence to change anything and therefore nothing with ever change. But a lack of confidence is a very unattractive quality in someone and therefore it’s time to change that.
Perhaps this lack of confidence is why I have been procrastinating about doing all these things so long. So to decide the first step in my road to “discovery” From reading the above I think it is obvious. I need to be able to drive, to maximize my free time I have more independence the need to drive is now rather pressing. Relying on public transport is not going to make any of the above interests or indeed working opportunities happen. It won’t happen overnight I know but as Gascoigne always says “Slowly slowly catchy monkey”
It’s my birthday in March and I fully intend to tell anyone who will listen to buy me a driving lesson. Because before the curtain closes on life you have to get your show on the road.
Love as ever
SG
X
No comments:
Post a Comment