I once had a friend called Ben, Ben was single, gay, stylish and fun. I forget how we even met but we clicked and hit it off. We started meeting up regularly and he quickly became very dear to me.
About 9 months into our friendship I went to his birthday party and met one of his friends, a totally gorgeous guy who I subsequently spent the next five years in a relationship with.
When we got our first flat Ben was always there, we were a three, we went pretty much everywhere together and, as much as me and my ex enjoyed being together, we never got tired of Ben being around us as a couple.
The ex and I broke up eventually. We’d moved again and in the end we both ended up at my mother’s house, supposedly as a temporary measure. We were there for ages and for various reasons we split.
It was awful and gut wrenching but he packed his things and left. As it was my decision to end the relationship I didn’t tell anyone we had split, didn’t use Facebook to advertise my new status. I just left it but I presumed he had told Ben.
I heard nothing from Ben. I presumed he had been told but I didn’t know for sure. Ben and I usually spoke on a weekly basis at the minimum but time passed, my ex unfriended me on Facebook as did some of his family and friends, so the news had broken. But still I heard nothing from Ben.
A few weeks later I got a message from Ben asking if I was ok, I replied that I was and enquired as to how my ex was doing. Ben said that he hadn’t been in touch because he hadn’t known what to say and to be honest, at the time, I really felt for him. What a difficult spot to be in.
I didn’t hear from him after that for a long time, and in that time I had met someone new. Ben would have known this because we were still friends on Facebook.
Around the time of my birthday, 6 months after my split I got a message from Ben asking me to meet up with him for a birthday drink. I said I would love to as I was staying at my mums that weekend (I’d moved out again by this point) but, I explained, my new boyfriend was staying there with me and I couldn’t very well leave him in the house alone so if he wanted to meet up, would he be happy to meet him.
No, he said, he wouldn’t meet him, it was out of the question. So we never did meet up.
Fast forward to Christmas and Ben must be feeling sentimental because again I get a text saying that it has been too long and we should really meet up this time. I lightheartedly reply and say that we should actually do it and not just say it, that I am free any day of the following week and where should I meet him?
I then hear nothing.
A few months later he does the same thing, my new fella and I had by then broken up and I thought perhaps that’s why he felt he could now meet up.
I had all but forgotten about him until my birthday this year on 25th March when I get a text, again he wants to meet up. Now call me an eternal optimist but when I replied thanking him for the birthday wishes and explaining that my late reply was due to a personal issue that happened recently. When he suggested meeting for a drink I figured it was more to do with what had happened to my family recently than my actual birthday. I guessed that hearing any kind of bad news made him realise that life really is too short and if you had a friendship as deep as ours was perhaps it is worth seeing if that’s still there.
That’s what I guessed anyway.
So we arranged to meet this week and I was genuinely looking forward to it, having been at a low ebb it would have been so nice to see him, I felt a bit emotional about it, no matter what happens your true friends, even those you haven’t seen for years, will be there for you.
Or they will just fail to text you again. The night we were supposed to be meeting came and went without a word. I didn’t text him because;
a. I am stubborn
b. I have been here before.
Ben still hasn’t text me a week on and I’m stuck between texting him telling him not to bother suggesting meeting up again or simply leaving it until the next time in 9 months’ time when he asks me and tell him no.
I can’t imagine why he keeps suggesting meeting up if he has no intention of seeing me. Perhaps he just likes to know that I would still be willing to meet him and once I say yes that’s his curiosity satisfied. I don’t know.
If anyone has any advice on what I should do, feel free to email me: single.girl.london2012@gmail.com
Relationships whether between a boyfriend or a best friend don’t always stand the test of time, and it’s always sad, but this recent stunt has made me realise that a true friend, even one you haven’t spoken to in the longest time, would be there for you in trying times like these. The fact that he played me at a time like this is more hurtful than all of the let downs before.
Ben the two of us need talk no more….
Love
SG
X
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