I have a confession, I am a Christmas fanatic, I bought a Christmas countdown chalkboard which hangs proudly in the accounts office and encourage those I work with to count the days till the festive season down from January onward.
Last Christmas was difficult for me. I broke up with my ex on the 4th December. I had booked to go away with him the following weekend, which incidentally clashed with my office party. In light of the breakup a colleague, the same one who encouraged me to try internet dating, gave me a pep talk. He insisted that I keep my day off booked, get my hair and nails done, buy myself a new dress and attend the office party in light of my change in circumstance.
I could have still gone on the weekend away that I had booked and paid for however I knew that even with a friend in tow I would spend the weekend constantly thinking about who I should have been there with, my ex, and that would not have made for a fun weekend for anyone I chose to bring.
So I took my uber tanned colleague’s advice and went to the staff party, alone. This in itself was fine, most people don’t bring other halves and only a handful of people asked where my boyfriend was. Touchingly, when our senior partner enquired after “my chap” and I had explained he was no longer of that title he said “pitch yourself higher next time”
I danced and smiled and generally had a good time, I even treated myself to a hotel room for the night so that I didn’t have to worry about missing a train home. But once alone, tipsy and in a hotel room when I should have been on a weekend away with the man I loved I felt so empty. I cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.
The rest of Christmas was much the same, I was supposed to be in Ireland with his family, the plane had taken off with my seat unoccupied, I wondered at the time if he had sat on the plane and the emptiness had struck him in the same way it did me. I’ll never know, in my more dramatic moments I like to think it wrenched his gut a little bit.
So this Christmas I am looking forward to the delights of a single girls festive season. Most people find being alone at Christmas difficult but it seems like years (in fact it is years) since I had the luxury of a selfish Christmas.
I never go out on Christmas eve but this year I really fancy it, I won’t be partying hard as I have never had a hungover Christmas day and I don’t intend to start now but I do fancy a night of dancing to Christmas songs and drinking eggnog with some friends.
On the day itself I will be cooking for my grandparents with my mum and siblings in tow. I’m looking forward to it so much. Then boxing day I am going to Dick and Dom’s, having dinner at a restaurant and will probably watch the rest of the queer as folk box set with them. To me it couldn’t be a better plan and I am actually glad I don’t have another half to contend with.
I’m not back to work until the 2nd Jan and whilst I don’t have every detail of New year’s eve worked out I’m sure it will be a good one, now just have to start thinking of new year’s resolutions…
Until next time
SG
X
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