Readership #2

Welcome Australia, Canada and Denmark to the readership stats, I hope you enjoy and stick around :-)
Love
SG
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Holidays are coming, holiday are coming

I read something shockingly ridiculous yesterday. Over the Christmas period many relationships will end and 1 in 20 will break up over a bad gift. Now I can understand why people break up over Christmas with its stresses and strains but to break up over a gift is, to me, a little over the top.

My last blog mentioned why I am looking forward to having a single Christmas and this statistic (however made up it might have been) made me reflect on my ghosts of Christmas past, for your enjoyment here are some of my worst boyfriend Christmas stories….

Gold, Frankincense and kink

 I suggested to my boyfriend at the time that it might be fun, instead of getting our gifts before Christmas that we go to the sales afterward, split up and meet up a couple of hours later with our gifts for each other. Now this was mainly owing to the fact that we didn’t have great pay-packets and I thought it was practical. There were several things that I wanted to get him which were only affordable in the sales. That evening he unwrapped all of his gifts, things that I knew he wanted, things that he would never have bought for himself sales or not. Then I unwrapped mine…

He must have spent the whole afternoon in Primark, a basque, hold ups, a secretarial style jacket and some high heels were all wrapped up in the package he gave me. I resisted the temptation to tell him that he hadn’t so much bought a present for me but a present for his dick. He must have had some sexy secretary fantasy going on. The jacket didn’t even fit.

I tried to appear grateful but that is very difficult when you know full well that the perfume and lip-gloss set you wanted and dropped hints about was 70% off and would have been well within the budget.

Eat DRINK and be merry

When I moved in with my boyfriend (not the one above) I was very excited about our first Christmas, I decorated, loving wrapped presents and was very much looking forward to waking up together, our first Christmas in our first home. I decided that a champagne breakfast was in order before we went to my aunt’s house for dinner and his grandma’s in the evening.

The day went well and by the time we left my aunts I had been drinking diet coke for a while, having started drinking early I didn’t want to show up at his nans shit faced. He however had no such reservation, once we left my aunts and he was out in the fresh air I was increasingly concerned about how unstable he seemed. On arrival at his nans, he carried on drinking and hit the buffet, always a bad idea to tuck into half a prawn ring when you have drunk your body weight.

When he dropped a spring roll on the floor I told him he should probably pick it up, his response of “don’t worry the dog will get it” didn’t go down well with his nan as the dog had died six months earlier. After that he went upstairs to chunder and came back declaring himself “better” I then had to point out that he had a regurgitated prawn tail in his hair.

If that wasn’t bad enough his mother announced that this was all my fault. Why was this my fault? Because I had the audacity to make a champagne breakfast for her son. Her son of such little self-control, her son who was now picking prawn out of his hair. Yes, that was my fault all right.

Hr drunkenly bickered with me all the way home and left me sitting alone at the end of the evening watching Christmas films while he snored, fully clothed and smelling slightly of sick in the bedroom.

Hail Mary

 This is the same boyfriend as the crappy gift, who had a very odd family. We drove up to see them on Christmas Eve, all the way from Essex to Leeds which is no mean feat when you have worked a full day. On arrival, having only one foot out of the car his mother demanded to know what the news was since he had told her we had something to tell her.

Now his mother hated me and I did not like her much either. My boyfriend announced our engagement and his mother’s response was “Oh my god why?”

The following day his mother kept bursting into tears, over the turkey, over the soup, over the fact that she could find her Christmas apron. When his mother’s sister Mary came over she was in relatively good spirits, produced an engagement card and gave me a kiss. I always liked Mary. This only made his mother’s tears flow harder and brought great cackles of laughter from Mary, who was an alcoholic but no one spoke about it.

Mary would normally get pissed before she arrived and keep up the pretence that she was not alcohol dependant but she declared this a celebration and tucked into another half  bottle of sherry. Every time his mother steered the conversation away from weddings or engagements Mary took great pleasure in bringing it back up, more tears, more of Mary laughing like a drain.

I had to endure three days of his mother’s play acting, she had always mothered my ex but she upped her game now. I genuinely walked into the living room to find her cutting her sons toenails, he was 24. By the end of the weekend I could not wait to get back to the safety of Essex. My family were not exactly thrilled about this engagement either but at least had the good grace to be civil to him.

So you can see why this year I am looking forward to some quality family time with my nearest and dearest, who are probably just as odd as all of the above, but they are mine, spregan, pickle, mummy, goony, dadio and flora I love you all xxx

Love

SG

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Last Christmas I gave you my heart…

I have a confession, I am a Christmas fanatic, I bought a Christmas countdown chalkboard which hangs proudly in the accounts office and encourage those I work with to count the days till the festive season down from January onward.

Last Christmas was difficult for me. I broke up with my ex on the 4^th December. I had booked to go away with him the following weekend, which incidentally clashed with my office party. In light of the breakup a colleague, the same one who encouraged me to try internet dating, gave me a pep talk. He insisted that I keep my day off booked, get my hair and nails done, buy myself a new dress and attend the office party in light of my change in circumstance.

I could have still gone on the weekend away that I had booked and paid for however I knew that even with a friend in tow I would spend the weekend constantly thinking about who I should have been there with, my ex, and that would not have made for a fun weekend for anyone I chose to bring.

So I took my uber tanned colleague’s advice and went to the staff party, alone. This in itself was fine, most people don’t bring other halves and only a handful of people asked where my boyfriend was. Touchingly, when our senior partner enquired after “my chap” and I had explained he was no longer of that title he said “pitch yourself higher next time”

I danced and smiled and generally had a good time, I even treated myself to a hotel room for the night so that I didn’t have to worry about missing a train home. But once alone, tipsy and in a hotel room when I should have been on a weekend away with the man I loved I felt so empty. I cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.

The rest of Christmas was much the same, I was supposed to be in Ireland with his family, the plane had taken off with my seat unoccupied, I wondered at the time if he had sat on the plane and the emptiness had struck him in the same way it did me. I’ll never know, in my more dramatic moments I like to think it wrenched his gut a little bit.

 So this Christmas I am looking forward to the delights of a single girls festive season. Most people find being alone at Christmas difficult but it seems like years (in fact it is years) since I had the luxury of a selfish Christmas.

I never go out on Christmas eve but this year I really fancy it, I won’t be partying hard as I have never had a hungover Christmas day and I don’t intend to start now but I do fancy a night of dancing to Christmas songs and drinking eggnog with some friends.

On the day itself I will be cooking for my grandparents with my mum and siblings in tow. I’m looking forward to it so much. Then boxing day I am going to Dick and Dom’s, having dinner at a restaurant and will probably watch the rest of the queer as folk box set with them. To me it couldn’t be a better plan and I am actually glad I don’t have another half to contend with.

I’m not back to work until the 2^nd Jan and whilst I don’t have every detail of New year’s eve worked out I’m sure it will be a good one, now just have to start thinking of new year’s resolutions…

Until next time

SG

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Readership

Just a small note on readership, I seem to have a lot of readers in Alaska and the USA, So I thought I would give them a mention as I'm very grateful that people other than Londoners want to read the blog!

Love

SG
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Single and ready to Mingle

A friend and I were discussing dating websites and those specifically aimed at people of a similar hobby, political standing or belief. This all came about because I said that, should I have children I would like them to have a Catholic education as I did.

Not a crazy Catholic upbringing I would like to confirm, I would want them to have a progressive education, which gives them all points of view, and allow them to make their own choices (Just clarifying before anyone gets up in arms about religion with me)

So she asked why I have, in the past, gone out with people who are of no religion or not the same religion as me (they have been Church of England so it is not a huge leap)

Now I don’t really think it matters now if they guy I date is Catholic or not because I’m not dating anyone seriously, thinking about marriage or children. My friend however thinks different, she thinks you are setting yourself up for a fall dating in this way and if you know what your priorities are then you should target those men as potential dates in one of the catered environments.

Determined to prove her wrong I joined, against my better judgement, a Christian dating site and have been a member for a few weeks. I was letting this experiment tick over for a while before writing it up.  

I filled in my profile with the usual stuff, I was not about to change my personal description to “Mother Theresa thought of me as her right hand girl and I know the pope personally” or anything like that. I have my view, you may not like my view, deal with it because I deal with yours.

Pitfalls

1.       There were about 10 men in my area, that’s was all, everyone else lived a plane ride away

2.       Levels of Christianity went from what I would label extreme to claiming to be Jesus’ long lost twin.

3.       It wasn’t catholic specific and allowed far too many crazy one man churches to contact me.

4.       I was being chatted up by a priest (of a non-Catholic church I should point out this guy is allowed to marry) but it weirded me out!

The nice things

1.       People are very respectful in their dealings with you, I’ve not had any messages about having a “lovely set of “insert object here”” to describe my chest

2.       The men can send you little cards, which is sweet, rather than getting winked at or poked, today I was called a lovely lady on a little e-card – And she saw the card and saw it was good.

3.       People are praying for me apparently, all over the place there are little candles just for me, which is great as long as none of them cause a fire.

Now the Christian dating site did provide me with a really good laugh, mostly at other peoples expense (I said I was a Catholic, not a good Catholic)  But I don’t think it is the way to go unless you are extremely into the lifestyle that the site lends itself to (not just religion but anything) These specific sites should be given wide birth. If there were a dating website for people who like potholing you wouldn’t join it just because you fell down a ditch two years ago, would you?

I am still firmly on the side of the more general websites, which allow you room to consider what the most important things in a partner are to you. I could meet someone tomorrow who goes to church on a Sunday and acts like a prick for the other six and a half days of the week, or I could meet a guy who wouldn’t know the inside of a church from the inside of an ice cream van…

(You get food in both but in one of them a man in a dress gives you wine- RUN KIDS)

But that guy could be a prince. So having experimented with the religious website hopeing to find my catholic but liberal and modern thinking prince charming I think I’ll take my chances with the general population. After all they can’t all be that bad can they?

SG

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Come to my house and I'll set the dog on you

The idea of writing Greg a song was too tempting, the not so lyrical genius of @Gal_Single

We dated eight weeks

But you’re feelings were stronger

Now you don’t seem to sleep

And your texts just get longer

You’re so available whenever I call

It’s like you have no other life at all

And you set yourself up for a fall

Cos I’m not your girl

If you come to my house

I’m gonna close the door

Get my mum to say

I don’t live here anymore

If you come to my house

I’ll set the dog on you

Because he thinks you’re too keen too

I told you it’s over

But you just won’t accept

That half this relationship had been in your head

You made yourself one hell of a bed

Now you can lie in it

If you come to my house

I’m gonna close the door

Get my mum to say

I don’t live here anymore

If you come to my house

I’ll set the dog on you

Because he thinks you’re too keen too

Stop texting me your soppy goodbyes

Eight weeks is not long enough to cry

I’m sure you will get over it if you try

Cos I’m not your girl

If you come to my house

I’m gonna close the door

Get my mum to say

I don’t live here anymore

If you come to my house

I’ll set the dog on you

Because he thinks you’re too keen too

One way or another...Im gonna getcha...

Greg is not giving up and I’m starting to feel like Taylor Swift, am I really going to have to resort to penning him a song about never getting back together? Like ever?

I might actually, I’ll call it “Come to my house and I’ll set the dog on you”

This is the summary of what has happened since my last blog…

I left the sorry tale of Greg at the point where he text me to tell me he could smell my perfume on the pillow at his friend’s house and I replied in the morning saying that despite that fact I did not feel the same way about him. I was hoping he would not insist on trying to change my mind.

Then it began…

I got one very long text in response explaining that I have got him wrong, he doesn’t want to rush, just wants to have fun and date. It’s the same message he has been sending me all week and I am starting to get annoyed.

I reply being a little plainer now and saying that I don’t see us going any farther than it has. That he is a great guy but I am just being honest.

He replies, clearly hurt, saying that he is just not great enough and he hopes I’ll be really really happy (something tells me he doesn’t but never mind)

The following day I get a picture message of us two at a party and the message with it reads something like – This photo made me message you (No Greg the photo didn’t make you, your brain made you message me – please!) I just want to have fun and see where this leads.

I ignore the message.

I then get a message in reference to my facebook status – to explain someone I know announced their nuptials but it is not common knowledge so my facebook said I was happy about “something”

Greg says that he is happy because I am happy, I wasn’t aware it was infectious but okaaaaay. The he says that if I really want him to fuck off then just say so because he is not a stalker but I’m so nice I am worth putting in the effort for.

I also receive an email at the same time, covering all bases Greg like to make sure he is heard. Its long and more of the same stuff but with the added twist of “I know I am going to see you on Friday like we planned trust me” and “I know you like me I really do know it”

I cut him off facebook, if he is going to pick up on every little thing on there and coupled with his moaning “why can’t I meet a nice girl” status it just seemed easier.

If you act like a stalker and sound like a stalker then you probably are one. Similarly if I walk into a bank in a striped shirt with a swag bag and a balaclava they will probably assume I am there to rob the place.

I am not the type of person to be mean normally (I know I sound mean but I am always nice to people, the blog anon I can be as mean as I want) so I don’t want to tell Greg to fuck off. It goes against my personality.

So I replied saying that I was not trying to be cruel but I’ve said all I have to say on the matter and I don’t want to date him.

He tells me to take care of myself…but he is not done…..

I got a message last night saying that he doesn’t know why he is doing this (messaging me) but his mates girlfriend won’t let it drop and said he should contact me. He was wondering if I wanted to go out as friends, with his mates (the couple) to a gig.

I just tell him I cannot make it and it sparks a chain of emails where he flits from wanted to have “another chance at dating me” which makes it sound like an x factor contestant wanting a bash at a second song, and just wanting to be mates because he thinks I would be a good laugh for an occasional drinking buddy.

Gascoigne agrees with me that this guy in no way wants to be friends. Like ever…

I’m ignoring him now as it seems to be the only way of getting through to him that I’ve done my bit, I’ve been polite and replied even when its been pissing me off. I’ll lose my temper eventually if he carries on and I don’t want that.

I’ve reinstated my online dating account and am chatting to a couple of nice guys, so dates ahoy! Although with Christmas coming I think it is going to be very difficult to have a date once a week as I was before.

Until next time…

SG

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The problem with a machine matching you

....is that you end up being matched with people whose profile says this and this only....

im looking for a person to have some fun whit me at home. drink some, smooke some, have some fun in general

Nice!

SG
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