Wednesday 27 June 2012

What a mistaka to make!




Now after the disaster of being stood up and called a fat tranny I decided that I would be more particular in which guys I agree to date, I am chatting to a few potentials but I am not going to meet up with them until I really want to, and I am setting the meeting place so not to be duped again.

Sunday 24 June 2012

The weight of the issue

I’ll call him Jamie, because that’s the cunt’s name.


Jamie got in touch with me via the website and we had a nice pleasant chat, he seemed normal and genuinely looking to meet someone.


We arranged to meet and he suggested Victoria Station outside WH Smiths.


Victoria Station 6.30

So there I stand in what has now become my date uniform along with several other people all of whom got picked up by their respective owners and I waited….and I waited. 

I decided twenty mins is the maximum time for train trouble etc anything more than that is just a waste of single-girl time but I text my friend to ask her opinion, we work together and she is a little older than me, almost married with two kids, she is a constant source of sound advice.

BTW - She was dying to know what name I was going to give her for the blog, I’ve settled on Gascoigne, she is not into football it is actually the estate she grew up in. Hard as nails with a heart of gold is Gascoigne and I love her very much.

Gascoigne advised to wait until seven just in case Jamie was held up, so I waited and at seven prompt I left without so much as a word from the guy.

Feeling a little deflated I got back on the underground and went to the pub next to my train station for a drink while I waited for my connection.

Getting stood up is one of the perils of internet dating, It’s a faceless activity until you meet someone so it is not difficult for those amongst us without manners to just not show up if they don’t feel like it. It’s the first time it has happened to me but I’ve heard from many others that it’s not unusual.

Luckily I have two best friends, a gay married couple known as Dick and Dom who were round the corner and I was given strict instructions not to move and they would come and rescue me. Sod getting the train, this was going to cheer me up.

Two hours and two bottles of wine later I was no longer bothered that he hadn’t showed because the boys company was the ultimate silver lining.

Jamie then sends me a text after standing me up which read

“Sorry, larger than I expected – I hope you find someone”

As I have said my pictures are honest, my pictures were taken this year, some but only a few weeks ago. My description describes me curvy and of average appearance which I think is fair.

It’s not the fact that I wasn’t his type or that he didn’t find me attractive that is annoying me. People and people and we all have personal taste, things to our liking, things that repulse us. If you have read the earlier blog entries you will know that I have been downright disappointed with some of my dates.

What I have never done and will never do is to look at the person and leave, I’ve stuck it out, it has been painful at times but I could never leave someone standing there waiting for a date only to be let down. I wasn’t dragged up by a pack of wolves after all!

Another thing I could not do to someone is to text them to explain the offending trait and tell them that they are ugly/fat/too short because why on earth would anyone who is serious about dating and possibly finding someone decent do such a thing? I know I blog about my dates but I would never send them a link to it!

Sure I advocate honesty, throughout my blog I have banged on and on about people lying on their profiles but in these circumstances honesty is not required when it is just rudeness relabelled. To think something about someone and to go out of your way to tell them that they are too fat/old/ugly/short are two different things. Its cruel.  

Jamie is never going to meet me, nor did I ask Jamie why he didn’t show so the message was unnecessary. Even if the thought of spending an hour with me filled his cold heart with fear he could have simply text to say he had been held up at work or had a family emergency or said nothing at all.

Sat in the pub with Dick and Dom the tears flowed, the comment was of course hurtful but I was more angry than anything else that someone would find it acceptable to be this rude to someone.

I shouldn’t have retaliated, I knew I shouldn’t but whilst common sense would have normally stopped me, wine egged me on

“You have got smaller balls that I would have expected, you might have said it to my face”

It was a cheap shot but I felt better for it.

At work the next day I was enraged by it all, the kind of anger that prompt you to tell anyone who asks “did you have a nice evening” the whole sorry tale.

The man on the train heard it, the two Julie’s who run the reception in our building heard it, Gascoigne even woke up her fella Reg the night before to tell him (Poor Reg!) basically anyone who would listen. I think it comes from the fact that I will never be able to communicate to Jamie what an absolute sausage wallet he is so putting it out there to other people makes me feel a bit better.

Jamie couldn’t just leave it though because I received a reply from him which inferred that I may have had bollocks myself. Jamie is clearly out to upset me and given the location he asked me to meet him on (looking back it is the perfect spot to be able to view your date and decide to ditch them without being spotted) its not the first time he has done this to a girl.

What worries me is that the next time he does that to someone it could be someone vulnerable, not someone like me who will dust herself and shake her money maker regardless of his opinion but someone who would take the comment to heart.

In fact I do have to agree with him on the having bollocks point (not literally), when it comes to dating I think I have balls to spare, I take a chance and put myself out there with gusto. Which is why I’m not going to let this arsehole get me down.

As Gascoigne always says “NEXT!”

Sunday 17 June 2012

The devil's in the retail

Date number four had been arranged for this weekend and I was quite nervous, after all if date number four turned out to be a bust I was about to start thinking I was the problem (ok not really, I'm a woman after all, we are never the problem!)

Postponing a date: This is something which runs the risk of putting your date off, it's not something that should be done without a valid excuse. On Friday I got struck down with something very unsavoury and as honest as I am in my blog I'll spare you the details, needless to say I was not going to run the risk of a date in that state and running to the loo every two mins!

So I postponed but Robert was very understanding. I had worried he would think it was a case of cold dating feet but he just asked if I was ok and said to let me know if I would fancy meeting up later in the weekend.

When we eventually did meet up he didn't seem to mind that I had cancelled and rearranged so it all seemed good.

Robert 29, retail manager

Robert works in retail and is studying a degree at present, he lives at home ( a bachelor type existence as it is only his dad at home) he has a varied and wide social group. He arrived and seemed extremely nervous but we have spent the last couple of weeks exchanging our horror stories So he was probably expecting me to be a three headed monster.

He has about as much luck as me it would seem.

Because I had postponed I didn't have a ton of time to spend on this date and whilst initial dates are usually short (or mine have been so far while they have eaten my dust) I could have spent more time talking to Robert.

Ain't that just the law of sod?! He laughed at my jokes, told me that despite most people not looking as good as their online pictures I was a pleasant surprise as I looked better (another nugget of gold dust lads!)

Now all this flattery and laughing like I was Billy Connelly on acid may have been Robert just being kind but I didn't care I was actually having fun on a date! Fourth time lucky it would seem.

The advantages of being unwell of course (we women look for them where we can find them) is that my tummy looked thinner and I couldn't drink and make a prat of myself as daytime drinking does that to me. Win win in the end.

Robert has since text to say he would like to do it again and you know what? So would I, as I looked at him across the table I asked myself the test question as I do on all my dates, can I imagine kissing him? And I could (not then obviously to lip lock him mid sentence might have been a bit much!)

However: Robert and I had a discussion about the unrealistic expectations of people in the online dating world and he seemed on the same wavelength as me. I believe that everyone is entitled to date around a bit, one date does not an exclusive relationship make!

Robert also mentioned that you obviously are able to see when people are online from their green light (it's a little button on your profile)And that after a date you both know that when you see each other online, of course your chatting to other people. He seemed realistic about it.

I logged on this evening to reply to a few messages I had from people who I have been talking to for a few weeks, I then receive an instant messenger alert from Robert just saying "hi" which wouldn't bother me accept that he had just text me at the same time.

Perhaps I am reading too much into it to think he was cheekily saying "caught you" and if Robert turns out to be a stalker my reputation in picking men will only be solidified!

Only time will tell on this one but I'll not judge him too readily, after all at the moment he is the only good date in a bunch of bad!

Wednesday 13 June 2012

A picture is worth a thousand words



After my date with the lawyer I received a text from one of the men I had been chatting to online, asking me if I would like to meet up.

I was very pleased that, despite having put him off a couple of times because I was busy, he was still interested in going out.

The texts got as far as settling on a venue and time when Craig, for twas his name, sent a text which blew the date out of the water.

Me: Camden at 1pm on Saturday sounds great, looking forward to it.
Craig: Yea me too, have you got any other pictures ;-)

Now this sounds harmless but to explain, on my profile I already have around 8 photographs and none of them are the long distance type shots many people use, they are clear, honest and up-close photos.

Upon relaying this conversation to mummy-single it became apparent there is a generational gap in how this message would be received. Had mummy-single received this message she would have sent him a holiday snap. (Bless mummy-singles naive heart!)  

However most twentysomethings would interpret this message very differently and I took this as a request for something distinctly more intimate.

So I pressed Craig a little more, asking him what he meant, the answer came back “whatever you want to send me baby” (Baby? When did I become baby?)

Altogether now….smooooooooooth

You see we live in the technological age where sexting and online sexual relationships grace the headlines almost daily and these kinds of pictures being exchanged before pleasantries is fairly common practice.

You only have to look at the popularity of app’s such as Grinder or Blendr to know that an increasing number of single (or married) people are getting their rocks off over the photographs of strangers.

Now, if you’re single, this is all good clean adult fun as far as I can see, provided no one you’re communicating with is below the age of consent. These apps offer an environment in which everyone is there for the same purpose.

(An app is a thing you get on an IPhone mummy-single, no you can’t have apps, you have a Nokia circa 1992)

However a dating site is not, as far as I was concerned, a hook up site. Some dating sites offer you the opportunity to label yourself according to what you are looking for, casual sex and hook up’s being an option, however this is the reason I chose my site carefully and this particular site requires a subscription and does not offer the casual sex label.

They have a far better reputation for not attracting the sort of men who are looking for soft armature porn pictures (have they never heard of red tube?) but clearly is doesn’t deter them all. I am only interested in people who would like to date in a more traditional sense.  

In any event if I were that way inclined and had any sense I would be working on a “find girls in your area” website and earning some money from it, mama didn’t raise no fool.  

I ignored the request and the next day Craig sent me a charming “Are we meeting up or what?” text which I just said no thanks and I haven’t heard from him since. I view this as a lucky escape!

So does the fact that a woman is using a dating site mean that she is easy prey to the men making such requests because she is seemingly “desperate” and therefore will be so flattered by the male’s advances she will immediately drop her knickers and furiously take photos of her jizz receptacle?

Of course not, most women will ignore this request and be grateful that they didn’t waste their time on a date with a guy who would almost certainly be trying to achieve a one night stand. It begs the question, why are these men subscribing to the dating sites when they could just go to a hook up site and get all the pussy pictures they want. Meow.

I personally think the reason lays in attainability. The women who frequent a site for exchanging pictures will rarely meet the men they communicate with, women on dating sites are looking to meet men, to actually go out and have a drink with them.

These pictures exchanged online for a quick thrill are not the same as actually having sexual contact with someone. When you go out on a Saturday night you don’t get tanked up, go home and Google image doner kebabs do you? No, you bloody well eat one.

So these men who are trying to blend the two worlds of online dating and online sex are trying to have both needs met but, in doing so, are doing themselves a disservice.   

So Craig, you were barking up the wrong tree in the wrong wood unfortunately, Baby.

Friday 8 June 2012

The Law is an Ass

I have been slightly concerned recently that my dating disasters blog might bomb as my run of bad luck with the single gents of London had to end sometime. I needn't have worried!

I had high hopes for date No. three, I even went so far as to buy a new outfit. Oh OK it was also because I had recently got back from holiday and this single gal is not up to date on her washing.

John, 31, Lawyer

Men I meet online fall into two camps, ones who are happy to chat online for a while, get to know you and actually find out if you have anything in common, and the ones who just want to meet up straight away to find out if you really look like your pictures before they waste their time.

I don't think either approach is wrong, lets face it I could still be chatting to dates one and two!

John fell into the second camp, he wanted to meet up fairly quickly and I wasn't opposed to that.

6.30 Warren Street

I arrive at the designated meeting point, as I approach the top of the stairs at the tube and my mobile regains consciousness I get a text from John informing me that he couldn't get reservations where he had wanted to so he was now at Kings Cross and could I meet him there.

Those of you who live in a city with an underground system will know what a pain in the arse they are and London's is shite! To send someone message whilst they are on the underground is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

But not to be deterred I replied to say I would come to Kings Cross and jumped on the train again, after all changing the venue like that is a bit silly but it's hardly a cardinal dating sin.

After a very sweaty train ride I arrive feeling less fresh than I had when I left the office but I didn't have time to hot foot it to a public loo because John spotted me and made his way over.

Height:  This is getting its own section now because men seem to have a problem with revealing their true height online. I'm five feet eight inches tall, I know this because the machine at Boots tells me on a little print out. If your going to say your five feet ten inches then date a tiny little short girl who probably wont argue. I don't care if your short but I do care about bullshit, as I have mentioned.

So, height aside, John looked like his profile picture which is great, he was cute. He also seemed to know what kind of behaviour is appreciated on a first date

He complimented me: Gents, this is gold dust. Lots of men forget to tell their dates that they look nice, it costs nothing but it does show you to have nice manners. Between me, you and the gatepost you don't even have to mean it. She wont take this as a sign you want to marry her but it will raise a smile.

He was the first date out of three to actually bother to utter the words "you look lovely this evening" so far so good.

John had already told me that he was a bit of a dork, I actually find geekyness very sexy but John was not actually a dork, despite his nice manners, John was just socially inappropriate.

I'm going to list these as quickly as I can or this post will drag on a bit.

1. Jokes about periods: I do not turn up on a date and make "what did one ballbag say to the other" jokes so I'm not sure why John thought a comment about the nightmare that is rag week was funny. But talking about ladies baby making equipment on a first date is fundamentally wrong, unless you're getting to see it and even then - don't makes jokes!

2. Homophobic references: Johns brother is gay, as is a sibling of mine. Plus my best friends are a married gay couple so I could never date someone who had a homophobic bone in their body, they just wont fly with my crowd. So this seemed to be a plus for John as he seemed like minded. However when referring to a client he had to deal with... "She was just a dyke, a Daily Star* reading dyke"
  As I've said before I don't mind strong language but as my sister is gay the word dyke sends a shiver through me. If someone is a bitch, call them so but don't use a homophobic term against someone you simply don't like, gay or straight has nothing to do with it. Had I had a score card at this point it would have read a big fat zero!

3. Baby/childhood photos: John couldn't resist showing me a picture of himself, himself as the worlds ugliest eight year old. I know that sounds mean but he really was an advertisement for late adoptions. He must have grown into his looks but even so baby photos on a first date are not what a girl wants to see, especially a girl with at least a decade of baby making time on her hands. I don't go on dates looking for a potential sperm donor but John (who is moving to the country in preparation for having children, with a woman he hasn't yet met!) clearly has entered the ready to settle phase.

Ready to settle phase explained: The ready to settle phase is not the same as being ready to settle down. People who have been in relationships for a long time who have decided sensibly that it is about time to make it legal can be refereed to as ready to settle down. Being ready to settle means just that. John wants babies, he wants babies now and I'm not sure the quality of the relationship with the woman would be his priority. I have a prediction, should he meet a willing woman, John will marry her within a year and have her up the stick (pregnant for my non cockney friends) because he wants to start getting on with getting hitched and having babies.

4. Bragging: John apparently has a friend who works for one of the major fashion houses, my profile has a little bit about my bag collection and the fact that I limit myself to one per year. I don't know if John had picked up on this tiny bit of information but he starts telling me about his friend and how he gets a huge amount of freebies. Great, that's nice for him.
  John then regales me with a tale of a girl he had met hinting that she wouldn't mind a designer bag. John then proceeded to tell me that if he were sleeping with a girl then she would of course receive all these lavish freebies in a tone which seemed to imply that I was going to be A.impressed and B. more likely to sleep with him.
  To brag about connections is one thing, it's a little irritating, but to imply some sort of trade off, sex for designer goods, is going too far. There are girls that will sleep with you for labels John, but I am not one of them! Ive never had a problem with scraping the bottom of my credit barrel for arm candy and I'm not about to start now.

5. Love thy pets: I'm a dog person myself but I respect the right to own a cat, I do not respect the right to reveal on a first date that your cat has the habit of jumping into the bath with you. HE BATHED WITH HIS CAT! At this point alarms bells are going off in my head, perhaps he should get hooked up with this woman... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP4NMoJcFd4

And so I declined the offer of another drink for fear I would get the giggles with the "I love cats" song now repeating in my head and said my goodbyes.

Quite sweetly John asked me to text him when I was home so that he would know I got home safely, again the first date to request this (men - this one is also a winner, it makes you look sweet and caring) I did as requested and then text him in the morning to say that I didn't feel there had been any chemistry. I could have lied and said I am allergic to cats but that's not this girls style.

*Daily Star, I have nothing against your paper, they are not my words so if your looking for someone to blame, blame John the cat bather. Thanks




Friday 1 June 2012

The date that C bombed

I have just had the perfect date, I spent the evening in the company of a funny,sweet, charming man, we laughed drank and ate and he spoke like a true gent... Ok it wasn't a date it was dinner with my big brother which is probably why I had such a nice time!

But whilst having dinner with my beautiful brother we witnessed a very bad first date. It was definitely a first date and I suspect a blind one because he was telling her all about what he did for a living so I guess they had never met in person before, that was the vibe. Now this man was boring the poor woman to death, the only voice heard was his, he was talking loudly, brashly and she couldn't get a word in.

He was a bus driver, nothing wrong with that but don't talk about it for an hour! I work in human resources and trust me no one would want to listen to that for an hour either, but what was truely shocking was this mans language and no wonder the woman was looking more than a little pissed off!

Now don't get me wrong I love swearing, as my brother pointed out when I said I was surprised at the mans language. But swearing on my blog or in front of people I know well is very different to turning up on a date and talking like an old fishwife. Dates are a place to make an impression, I'm not saying don't be yourself but as you don't yet know the person a little restraint should be shown.

This is why I almost choked on my fish cake when he described his boss..... "he is an absolute cunt, a real cunt" Come on mate! Firstly a lot of women find that word particularly offensive. Personally i like the C word, reserved for special people and used forcefully when it is deserved it is quite funny.

But your on a date with this lady, she's dressed up, spent at least an hour primping and preening and she hasn't come out with you for the evening to hear you use the foulest language imaginable. She looked horrified, I turned around to have a nosey look and see what had attracted this lovely looking seemingly sweet natured woman to go out on a date with this man.

 He was very good looking, extremely good looking in fact so how disappointed this woman must have been to meet him and discover he was completely uncouth. When he went to the loo she looked so upset, there was the furious texting which was definately to a friend telling her how horrible the date was, I had to restrain myself from asking the woman if she wanted to leave and I'd give him a message for her to give her a way out.

We left as she started the "I need to get away" line aka "it's getting late" & "I've got to be up early" now this man may never see this woman again ( in fact I would put money on it) but will he ever know what he did wrong? If she doesn't tell him outright will he ever know and learn that dropping the c bomb on a date is always wrong when dating a lady not a ladette! On the upside I've got date number three set up for next Thursday. Third time lucky?!