Whats your sign? What a line!

Now some people might wonder why a person would “resort” to internet dating instead of simply going out and meeting someone.

The first point I have to make is that meeting someone is not simple! Meeting someone by chance while going about your daily life is not necessarily going to happen. Aside from the fact that we do not live in the movies and people do not just walk up to you in the street, deliver a witty line and ask you out, randomly chatting up a stranger takes balls and not everyone has the confidence.  

I have been asked by a few people, usually married, why I don’t meet someone through friends, through work or whilst out sampling London’s nightlife. So for their benefit here are the reasons why….

Through friends…In the unlikely event my friends had an endless list of single men who were just dying to ask me out which they don’t (they have an endless list of men who wouldn’t mind styling my hair for me but that’s what you get for being a hag!) I would always be wary of a friendship group romance.

 When the going is good it can feel like an episode of friends. Your friends will be thrilled that two people they both like have got together. It’s easier on the friends too; they don’t have to meet your new love interest as a stranger and try to like them because they already have an established relationship with them.

But when things turn sour so do the friendships, friends are lost to you, the ones who don’t take sides don’t particularly want to hear you call the former lover a wanker, because they are after all his friend as well as yours.

I’ve been burned this way before, can you tell?

Through work…Now this is something I have tried in the past and whilst I do hear many success stories about eyes meeting over the photocopier the prospect of dating someone at work is terrifying. Not to mention there actually has to be a cute single guy at the office in the first place!  

 In the event that there is, the issue of establishing that there is even a mutual attraction is a tricky one.  It is all too easy to confuse friendliness and workplace banter with flirtation.  

Even if you do establish mutual feelings and decide to give it a go there are several potential hurdles. Should you inform your colleagues? People like nothing more than an office romance and the pressure could be enormous. Does your company frown upon or have a policy about workplace dating?

Then there is the potential split, if it doesn’t work out you still have to work together, see each other and be polite and professional. Dependant on the cause of the split this could be problematic if you want to smash his head in with a heavy duty stapler.

Worst case scenario you end up with an ex at work who tells anyone who will listen why you broke up, how often you shave your legs and the noises you make at the moment of orgasm. Worth the risk? NO!

Nightlife…This is the crux of my issues. I am getting to an age where, whilst I still love clubbing with my friends, I have realised you cannot meet someone who is more than just a dance floor snog in a nightclub.

Sweaty drunk men may seem attractive and their lines may be flattering after a bottle of pinot has been consumed but the quality of conversation or the prospect of being anything more than a Saturday night bunk up is a bleak prospect.

Recent opening lines of conversations in nightclubs have genuinely become something my friends and I have a competition over.

“I want to shag you” a memorable chat up line from a rather inebriated Scotsman

“I’ve got an eight and a half inch cock” from another drunken reveller, different bar, same night.

There were all delivered without even a hello, what’s your name, I’m going to pretend to get to know you before I try and get in your pants…

Even my boss has got in on the act after recently being asked the following in a club:

Drunk man: Are you married

Unimpressed boss: Yes

Drunk man: Happily?

Unimpressed boss: Yes

Drunk Man: So do you fuck about then?

It would be unfair to blame the above behaviour on the men I feel. Men tend to use a line or behaviour which has succeeded in getting them laid in the past, the same party trick, the same made up sob story. Whatever it is they do to “charm” their prey it will usually create a pattern which they will stick to throughout their lives. The point I am making is that the men mentioned above have been laid off the back of those lines before. So who is to blame for that?….The women!

The women who don’t expect a level of behaviour above caveman and who willingly drop their knickers and the prospect of eight and a half inches. Pull yourselves together girls, I don’t begrudge anyone a one night stand, we’re all adults and can do what we like but your lowering the standards for the rest of us!

And its conversations like this that have led to busy working women logging on and attempting to filter the bullshit. I would like find someone who has a similar interest and outlook on life who is actually looking to date someone.

Even if I were into one night stands (which I am not) going home with a “dancefloor man” will only lead to being shagged (badly) and kicked out of someone’s flat at silly O’clock because they have “stuff to do” (AKA meeting their girlfriend or just getting you the fuck out of their flat in case you try and make a romance of it)

So it’s not “resorting” or “settling” it’s an efficient use of time which would otherwise be spent wondering why some dancefloor dickhead didn’t call, plus it leaves you more time to go out with your friends…and shop for shoes….and bags….