Thought I would take a moment to reflect on dating mishaps past.
I once met a guy in a club called Mark, Mark and I hit it off and he seemed really sweet.
At the time I was also being pursued by a guy from my home town called Jay. Jay was the ultimate bad boy, didn’t call, never used to text. He had a six pack to rival Peter Andre and I was totally hooked.
I’d met Jay though my good friend, they worked together and although my friend warned me he had a bit of a reputation I didn’t really take any notice of the warning.
So when I met Mark in a club in London, Jay didn’t really cross my mind, after all he was a game player and I didn’t have any illusions that I was the only girl in his life at that time.
Mark and I went on a date and, lovely though it was, there was no ping, no spark, despite his nice looks and sweet personality. Now that I am older I can see that this was probably due to the fact that I was still wondering what the rippling muscles of Jay were up to that evening (although it is not hard to guess)
Even my friends nicknamed him Mark-no-ping. The problem was I genuinely liked him as a person.
Now I have always been enrolled in the school of dating that you should only date one person at a time. The whole theory about waiting until the “conversation of exclusivity” happens loses me a bit. If you go on a date with someone and you like them, just go on a few more with them and if you really like them then you know you might not be seeing someone else for a while.
However at this time in my life I was going through what I can only describe as my “angry date like a man” phase. I was determined that for every guy who had ever dated me then been out gallivanting with someone else without so much as a thought, I was going to do exactly the same.
For you see there was a time, not so much now I am older, that these men had hidden behind the fact that, despite however long they had been seeing a woman for, if they hadn’t told them it was exclusive then it wasn’t. For example the women would think there was an unspoken agreement that the relationship was exclusive, that the conversation about not seeing other people was not needed. The men would think that for as long as that conversation didn’t happen, they could do what they liked. It didn’t just happen to me, it happened to my friends too and we all got a bit sick of it. I think around this time Sex and the City was released and we all wised up.
I should point out I was young and stupid at this point. I didn’t realise that double dating a guy like Jay wouldn’t matter because he couldn’t give less of a shit anyway. If I dated half of Essex whilst seeing him casually it wouldn’t have bothered him.
Mark was a different kettle of fish entirely. I was sure however that neither of these men would find out if I double dated them. In hindsight I was dating Mark until such time as Jay would realise I was obviously fantastic and the only woman worth the girlfriend status. Yea right!
One evening on the train home from London after a night out, and on my way round to Jay’s for what I will only refer to as a night in, Jay text me to say he couldn’t meet tonight after all. It was clear he’d either been out and pulled or had double booked his evening in.
This however was enough for me to come to my senses entirely, what was I doing passing up a lovely sweet guy for some arsehole who treated me like a hobby?
And in that split second I decided to call Mark, see if he was free and spend some time with the guy who was worthy of my time. After all he was nice, attractive, very sweet to me – the polar opposite of Jay.
Upon calling Mark it was clear he was out that evening, from the noisy bar din that I could hear as he answered. I apologised for not replying to him a few days earlier and that it would be great to see him, that I hoped he enjoyed his night and I would speak to him later.
Just before we ended the call he asked “just one thing, are you seeing a guy called Jay?” followed by Jay’s laughter in the background. My heart sank because I knew now that I wouldn’t see Mark again but more than that, if he was friends with Jay (what a small world) that Jay would be insufferable to him now and also that this would have hurt Mark.
As I say Jay wouldn’t have cared in the slightest but Mark would. Mark no Ping with the big heart. As it was I know Mark wasn’t for me, otherwise I wouldn’t have been interested in Jay in the slightest but I took no pleasure in making someone feel the way I had in the past.
And that dear readers is when I learnt the lesson of not double dating, whether or not you have had the “exclusive” conversation or not.
Until next time
Love
SG
X
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