This week I took a trip to the emerald Isle with Brother_Single. We went to Dublin, Derry and Belfast as well as Giants Causeway.
Now this wasn’t a holiday for romances as
a. I was sharing a twin room with my older brother
b. I don’t do one night stands.
This blogpost will not contain any hot holiday sex so feel free to click away now if that’s what you were looking for!
However we did have a great time so I thought I’d write a blog about it, and disprove the theory that all Irish men can charm a girl into bed (okay okay in my case a lot of them could but that's by the by) by disclosing some of the chat up lines I received along my journey…
Boats. My brother and I had wanted to take the car to Ireland and so we had to get the ferry, it takes 8 hours. I have previously done this journey and the ferries are nice, they have a cinema, two restaurants, a duty free shop etc. I actually really enjoy travelling by boat. After all if it all goes tits up humans can swim but we are fucking woeful at flying.
The ferry we got from from Liverpool to Dublin on this particular day was not one of the better ones. No Wifi, no TV once the signal ran out, just a lounge area and a bar, circa 1950's.
The boat left at 10am and I had exhausted my ipad material by lunchtime. So I announced to my brother it was time for a beer. A debate ensued about whether it was too early for such shenanigans (my brother doesn’t drink…at all) and by the time I had announced that “I am on holiday” they had shut the friggin bar! I had to wait three hours for it to open again (once it did I made up for lost time) who in their right mind shuts the bar when headed for Dublin?
A couple of places that I really wanted to mention in case any readers ever go to Ireland -
The Cobblestone
Dublin
A pub in the Smithfield area of the city, no one had mentioned this pub to me when I had quizzed Dubliners about this place. Perhaps they didn’t think it would be an English girl’s thing. But if traditional Irish music in an informal setting is what you after then pay this place a visit. It has a listening corner and respect for the musicians is requested so if you really want to listen to traditional Irish music rather than talk over it then go here. Also it is teaming with locals. When one guy politely requested that his friend be allowed to sing a song the request was granted and this young Irishman opened his mouth, the pub fell silent and you could have heard a pin drop, until the applause. Like I said it is informal, this is worth its weight in gold to hear accomplished musicians and singers who you may never have heard of otherwise regaling everyone with their sound. They also have a great stock of ale’s etc. They sell CD’s and T shirts and I’d always recommend people buy those types of things for a great reminder of your visit but also to give something back to a local business. All Bar One has enough of your money.
Peadar O’Donnell’s
Derry
A pub on Waterloo St in Derry which is well worth a visit, this is where the younger crowd seem to go. Derry is not as big as Dublin and so you will often find you can get a drink and even a seat very quickly. This place offers live music but be warned- unlike Dublin where tourists want music from 7pm, the music in Derry (and the north in general) doesn’t start until 10pm at the earliest. This was fine for me but not so fine for my sober brother. Just be prepared for a late night!
The Rocking Chair
Derry
Also on Waterloo St (right at the top of the hill) is this pub, we only went in because a cab containing a man and several instruments turned up. Turned out to be Jazz night which is not really my thing however it was a great place with very friendly locals who kept us there till 1am having “one for the road” Turns out it is a long road.
Kelly’s Cellars
Belfast
Now I have spent some time in Belfast over the years but had never been here. We asked the landlord when the music started – 11pm, but worth waiting for he said, as someone had let him down and he’d had to gets someone in last minute and that they were excellent.
Enter… Scorpion Jack http://www.scorpionjackmusic.com/ who were without doubt one of the best acoustic sets I have seen for a long time. I can’t say how much I enjoyed their gig, just check them out - NOW. I promptly bought their album.
(gigs- if you see hear something you like at a gig always ask if they have a CD even if they are not on display, They usually charge a couple of pounds for something that is a labour of love to them and I’ve never been disappointed, if you like it, buy it!)
So Kelly’s is the kind of place you go to unearth treasures of the musical kind, it’s a good mix of locals and tourists and it is also a lovely old building with three separate sections so if you don’t want to be too close to the band you can sit in the back room. Worth a visit when in Belfast.
Now for the chat up lines, Brother single has always marvelled at my ability to attract drunk, usually old, Irish men and he always presumed it was because I would, being drunk myself, mistake them for a gorgeous hair is black, eyes are blue lad. However I have proven him wrong because they are just drawn to me.
You know when you’re sitting on a bus, someone gets on and you just know they are going to sit with you and loudly chat away asking you nutty questions (do you like panda’s? I like panda’s) well inebriated Irishmen are drawn to me in this way. My brother declared it the world’s shittest super power.
Anyway we enter the bar and this guy (50’s I’d say) starts chatting away about how he is a little bit drunk, that he is sorry he is drunk, who are we and where do we come from etc? After this the conversation goes around and around as follows…
Michael “so this is your brother”
Me “yep”
Michael “you’re lovely”
Me “thanks”
Michael “I’m sorry I’m so drunk”
Me “no bother”
Michael “you’re so lovely…is this your brother?”
Bless his heart but I couldn’t do that all night so I said I was going to have a smoke and nodded to my brother that I would go through the other door where he could meet me in the other room therefore avoiding a whole night of listening to why I am so lovely by a drunk man that doesn’t know me.
Eventually when my brother came through to the other room he laughed and said “he asked if I thought you would kiss him” when I asked my brother what his reply was (expecting “no you can’t mate she is my little sister”) he shrugged and said “I said you’ll have to ask her”
Brother single was actually quiet looking forward to the idea of watching me having to have the - Will you Kiss Me Is This Your Brother You’re So Lovely – conversation with him. Thanks bro.
The second guy to attempt a pull made a tremendous lack of effort. I was outside chatting to a group of people (very friendly the Irish) when this guy appeared and I presumed he was with them. Again I answered all of the tourist questions and he asked if I was here with my boyfriend. I informed him I was with my brother and he simply asked
“Separate rooms?”
God loves a trier but this made me laugh, almost in his face but I have better manners. I told him no we were in a twin and that I am a good girl in any event. Later on that night he staggered over to inform me that he grew his beard and bought the hat he was wearing (which was woolly and it wasn’t cold and the pub was heaving with sweaty bodies) to impress the ladies. I can only imagine how much sweat was under that hat.
Close your eyes and imagine Where’s Wally, with a beard, and a really shit hat… that’s yer man!
In the end I just said “Oh right” because it was a bit late for small talk given that he’d already asked about my sleeping arrangements. I didn’t take offence in any way and I’m sure they are lovely fella’s really, it was just funny. It does however prove the theory that not all Irishmen have all the charm, just 98% of them and I was chatted up by the 2% that had either lost it along with their keys or managed to drown it that particular evening.
It’s done nothing to quash my love of the Irishmen though…
There was a young man from Belfast
Could he kiss me he did dare to ask
I puckered my lips
But my skirt he did flip
And kissed me right on the bare arse!
As ever
Love
SG
X
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