Secret Single Behaviour

Gasgoine and I were discussing being single and she revealed her secret single behaviours that she had to address when she moved in with Reg. They were not the worst I have heard by any stretch, they centred around methods of hair removal. Secret single behaviour is something we ladies relish and revel in, knowing that when we are no longer single we won’t allow ourselves to do these things freely

It got me to thinking about my own secret single behaviour. Now I have always been a take me or leave me kind of girl. I would think nothing of putting on a face mask in front of a boyfriend, or taking my make up off. In my late teens I was very precious about things like this and would sleep in my makeup then wake up and reapply it before my boyfriend got up.

To any of my younger readers, - ladies it does get better and one day you will wake up and realise that you actually are naturally beautiful and don’t need lots of makeup on to impress a man, if anything they don’t like it.

I digress, these days I am much more content in myself and will happily go about some of my beauty regime in front of a man. I do however draw the line at farting, I do not fart in front of boyfriends no matter how long I have been going out with them.

However I do have a few secret single behaviours to share, some things I would never do in front of a man…

My Top 10 Secret Single Behaviours

v  I eat gherkins, out of the jar, sometimes a whole jar and then I smell all vinegary.

v  Before getting in the bath I have a ritual which involves scraping any crap from under my nails with an orange stick and examining it, thus far nothing interesting has turned up.

v  I dance, very badly in my bedroom and pretend I am on stage somewhere, think of every rom com you have seen where the girl is getting ready to go out and she is singing and dancing, yes that’s me.

v  Coming from a family of mainly non-drinkers we don’t have lots of wine glasses, in the event of a wine glass eluding me I will, without shame, drink wine from a beaker.

v  When getting ready for a night out, especially when I go home from work on a Friday, I will cook something quick to eat, run a bath at the same time, then I eat my dinner whilst soaking in the bath, multi-tasking.

v  When I was a teenager I used to long for a day when I was no longer plagued with pimples, nowadays every now and again I get one and I savour the squeezing of it.

v  I have a deep rooted love of very grannyish pyjamas which I have to curb when sleeping in the same bed as a man – I mean really ugly PJ’s

v  Once a week I will cover myself in olive oil after a bath, get into said ugly PJ’s and sleep in it, smelling like salad, but it does make you very soft.

v  Drinking from bottles, yes even litre bottles, if I am the only one drinking it why do I have to use a cup? (Never alcohol though that would be obscene!)

v  My make up towel, which is an old beer towel from a pub I used to work in, on which I wipe various make up products when they are on my fingers, or to remove build up from a makeup brush, stays hidden from any man in my life because it is truly hideous and in a constant state of needing a wash.  

In Feb I will be attending a speed dating event, in the name of research. I’m hoping to find someone to come along with me but if not I shall be flying solo but I’m sure there will be plenty to write about.

Until next time

Love

SG

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